Saturday, March 2, 2013

Breaking Data from South Pole

"How the structure in the universe grew over time...a conceptual version using the filament for structure pieces that take shape." ~Paul


News Flash:

McMurdo Station, Antarctica (TPG) -- The ten-meter-telescope at the South Pole has breaking data strongly indicating that our universe is a product of a 7-D printer. The big bang was simply the moment the printer was turned on. That's right! Some unknown entity has created and is operating a printer that can render in seven dimensions and has created our universe, matter, black holes, spiral nebulae, ferns, moons, galaxies and suns. And you.

In conjunction with the Neutrino detector, famously known as “ice cube” and the cosmic ray detector, scientists have strong evidence that everything we have observed to this date is the direct result of a giant machine that is printing the designs of its maker.

“To ascertain the intelligence of a being that would imagine and build a machine to print in seven dimensions is impossible” says Paul Sullivan, South Pole Science Manager.

No one has ever thought to put together data from three concurrent science experiments until last December when a graduate student toured the facilities at McMurdo Station on her way to South Pole.

“What I found was astounding” said Ashaika Jones. “The data from the Cosray detector in McMurdo corresponded almost exactly with the neutrino hits and the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMBR) numbers. And when you look at the current estimates for Dark Matter, then it really starts to make a compelling argument.

It all makes sense when we realize that Dark Matter is only the raw material for the printer, like plastic. CMBR is the exhaust of the machine. Neutrinos are the stray, wasted power particles and time is simply the fourth dimension. Can we have some Pink Floyd now, please...

To have the capability to print a black hole would require at least seven dimensions of accuracy and thus the current, conservative estimate from astronomers as to the size of the printer. “It could be that the printer has many more dimensions at its disposal” says someone important from NASA. “Why would we think that we are the only thing that has been printed by a such a wonderful contraption?”

This new information, while still under confirmation by peer-review, has already thrown the stock-markets into chaos, the Vatican into submission and the general public into silence. The three big questions are now irrelevant and no one is sure where to go next.

The "Intelligent Design" wing of the Tea Party is now claiming divine knowledge and is launching education reform and multiple candidates for state and national positions. Global Warming watchdogs have stopped selling carbon credits and Space Exploration has been put on hold indefinitely. Top scientists from all three experiments and collaborators from around the world have issued statements that confirm the findings but urge caution until all the data has been scrutinized.

In a way, we have discovered the Aliens, but creatures so remote and large that we would have little chance of communicating or interacting with them. It would be like a bacteria, trying to communicate with us. Not even bacteria, it would be as if a molecule we printed tried to make contact. We would not even think to look for it.

Aside from the obvious consequences of our entire known universe being a tchotchke on a shelf, a trivial plaything of some grandly larger universe, life may or may not go on as usual down here on Earth. 

Certainly we will all be humbled into a reality very different from the one we now know. Certainly, we will reconsider many things, from epitaphs to charitable contributions to fresh drinking water. We will, most likely, note the day that the mystery was stripped from our psyche and replaced with the certainty of inconsequence. Perhaps we will stop funding science altogether, knowing that we really don't want to know the answers to our questions.

So thank you, Ashaika Jones, for your great discovery. I hope you know that your Nobel Prize will be printed on the 7-D printer along with the rest of it and I hope it makes you very, very happy.

This is a TPG Guest-Post from the mind of Terra Sinclair ;)
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